Oh For Mates Sake

I woke up early and got ready for the big day. I landed myself in the kitchen where I took over a section to whip up a batch of chocolate chip pancakes. I stacked them up high and then topped them up with whipped cream sprinkled with mini chocolate chips. It was a masterpiece if I do say so myself. I picked up the heavy plate and made my way into the dining room. They smelled amazing. So amazing. I furrowed my eyebrows as I breathed in their scent. A strong chocolate pine scent was hitting me hard. It was intoxicating. Damn, I really outdid myself with these pancakes. They were driving me crazy. I sat the plate down on the table staring at the plate. No one else was in the room yet. It was early. I was trying to contemplate where the pine smell was coming from. It didn’t make sense to come from the pancakes.

We walked back to the packhouse slowly. We were trying to talk to each other to make everything feel normal again. It wasn’t. I could still feel the sting of rejection in my chest. Unlike Denny, I didn’t have anyone else waiting for me. And now my only hope of ever having someone just disappeared. I lost a lot today. I knew I was hurting deeply over that fact, but I was trying not to show it. My dream of having a family… How could I have that now? No one in my own pack wanted me. And without the mate pull, what man wanted to be the female delta’s mate? Most males needed to be of a higher rank than their females because their egos couldn’t handle it. And then there was the problem of how I would even meet someone. I am an officer of the Sulfur pack. There isn’t a lot of free time to be had. Maybe I could meet someone at a party or pack banquet. Yet, I know it would be nothing more than a fling, just like the one-night stand I had before with a guy named Conrad. It would never end up something serious, though. No man would leave their pack to come to mine. It was a tradition for females to leave their pack to go to their new mate’s pack. This was only tradition because the male was usually higher in rank. So, I would have to find a gamma, beta, or another alpha who would want me. And since second chance mates probably didn’t exist, they would be giving up their chance of finding their fated mate. See what I mean? I lost my chance at having my own family.

I stood in the upstairs bathroom, running my hand under the cold water. Sheena was ghosting me. She was angry with me for rejecting our mate. I could feel the extra room in my mind showing she had closed herself off from me. I wouldn’t push her though; I knew she was hurting too. She lost her fated mate also, but because she was closing herself off from me, it would take me longer to heal. I tried to grab the slippery glass with my hand to pull it out. I winced as I felt it move slightly, only to have my fingers slip off of it. Damn, that hurt; I hadn’t asked for help before leaving, not that anyone even offered. It wasn’t in my character to walk back out there and ask for help either. I didn’t like asking for help. It would have been different if they offered on their own… but I never wanted to be seen as a bother.

I stayed away from Denny the rest of the day. This was his birthday and I felt that I had already put too much strain on his special day. Joey tried to coax me into going to the party, but I told him I just wanted to go for a walk. He of course fought me a bit on it, but in the end he went to the party as I walked off towards the tree line. I thought this was the safe thing to do, that I could diminish my aura and go for a run unnoticed. I went in the opposite direction of the party. I didn’t think that I would run into anyone, but yet again… I was wrong. “I told you there is nothing between us.”

I was now curled up on my bed in a room full of people. Alpha Scott had come and carried me back to the packhouse. I still couldn’t stop crying. What had happened to me was horrible and I was still in shock. It was too much for one day. Each thing was too much for one day, let alone combining it all. Alpha Scott stood in my room talking with Denny. They were trying to figure out who had attacked me. Jude leaned against the wall quietly; he probably knew enough just from knowing Taylor was involved. Of course, he said nothing. I wasn’t the one he wanted to protect. But he also didn’t want me dead because he was the one who alerted the others.

I imagine that this is sort of what a volcano must look like right before it erupts. I could see the vein on Denny’s forehead pulsating and protruding forward. His face began to glow red and I braced myself for the explosion. But at the last second, I watched him take a few deep calming breaths before he said, “Dad, I am going to need for you to explain to me exactly why she isn’t a good option. I’ve already been sleeping with her. I have always planned on making her my luna, so I am going to need a pretty good reason not to.” Wow. I was surprised at how cool and collected Denny was there. Looking at him now, I felt proud of him. That was when I realized that my emotional connection I had with him yesterday was gone. It must have just taken some time for it to wear out of my system. It was still a bit weird looking at him, like looking at an old crush even though he had never been one. But the intense feelings were gone much to my relief.

Yesterday was the most traumatic day of my life and today was the weirdest day of my life. I didn’t leave the pack house at all today. I didn’t join Denny for pack training. I stayed with Joey for most of the day. And it was not weird at all; we carried on like always. It was comfortable for both of us despite everything. It was late evening when Denny and Jude finally walked back into the pack house. It was the first time I had seen Jude since yesterday. I watched as his eyes landed on mine and he quietly stared at me. I started to feel a bit awkward under his gaze as I was still sorting through my feelings. Afterall it was his girlfriend who set me up and he knew it.

“Mine.” I breathed in his words as his lips covered mine. I responded to his gentle prodding and leaned more into his chest. It took me a few seconds before I realized what the hell I was doing. In those same few seconds everyone else realized it as well. I recognized Denny’s roar as Conrad’s lips parted from mine. He moved me to his side while keeping his arm around me. My eyes fluttered up in a daze.

“I guess I have some explaining to do.” I squeezed my fingers together as I braced for impact. I wasn’t sure what he was going to say; the night we spent together had been special to me. I was afraid I was going to feel hurt again after he explained, then on the other hand I knew it was silly. It had been a one-night stand, a lot of people don’t even know the name of the person they slept with. Hell, some probably don’t even remember the other persons face.

Andrea wrapped her arms around me and held me tight. I could hear her silent sobs as her voice quietly trembled saying, “Thank you… thank you Clover…” I froze. I honestly had no idea how to react in this moment. I felt like she might have lost her mind and was ready to snap. Until she lifted her face up to look at me. I could see the tears trickling down her face as she bit on her bottom lip. Her face was red and her eyes were puffy. She had snot dripping from her nose and I noticed… she was a very ugly crier. However, there was nothing fake about it.